Inclusion in Youth Sports: A Coach's Wake-Up Call

I don't know hockey.

I mean, I am Canadian, so I have watched my fair share of hockey. I’ve been to plenty of NHL games, I’ve huddled around a TV watching the World Juniors at Christmas, at one time was even married to a hockey player…. So, I mean, I’m familiar with hockey, I just haven’t ever played it. In fact, I can't even skate. So, does that make me a bad Canadian? Maybe.

What I do know, however, is coaching youth sports. For a decade, I've been immersed in high-level youth soccer in British Columbia. I've been a volunteer, an assistant coach, a head coach. I hold my provincial B coaching license. So, when it comes to coaching kids, I know a thing or two.

Recently, I found myself at a youth hockey game, a U15 out-of-town game. Most of the team was made up of boys, with two girls. "Great," I thought, "diversity in sports."

My naivety was showing.

I was standing in the arena foyer, a place known to those familiar with small-town Canadian rinks for three things: coffee and rink burgers, a modicum of warmth, and being the pathway to the kids' dressing rooms.

As I stood there, I witnessed a few boys struggling to carry their giant bags and sticks while maintaining some semblance of balance. Each boy that entered knew the man beside me and received clear instructions to go to "Change room 4." Seemed like a well-organized system.

Then, one of the girls entered. She asked where she should go, the only one who had to actually ask. The man nonchalantly shrugged and told her, "I dunno, go find somewhere." He then turned his attention to the boys behind her and proactively directed them: "Change room 4, let’s go boys!"

After some investigation, I found out that any girls on the team were required to change in separate rooms from the boys. Make sense, but certainly doesn’t help the two lone girls feel apart of the team, I assumed. Also, after some further questions, I discovered that this seemingly clueless gentleman was, in fact, the head coach of the team.

Wait - He’s the HEAD COACH, and this girl is on his team?  She is required to go to a different change room than the boys, yet, he only knew where the boys should go.  What?

I was livid.   Livid for this young girl. Livid that she was treated this way.  Livivd that this coach was likely patting himself on the back that he was so “inclusive” that he had not one, but two girls players on his team.  Livid that the coaches wife was there, (they have a son playing on the team) heard the whole thing, and only told this young lady to “ignore him”, but didn’t help her or say a word to her negligent husband about his behaviour towards her.   Ignorance is bliss?

And most of all - livivd that this didn’t even trigger as wrong to this girl.  It seemed as though this was normal in her world.   She had simply gone and found someone from the arena staff, and asked them where she was meant to go.  She was left to find her own way, while the rest of her male teammates were treated as though they were a different class. #Puke. I could feel the anger growing.

I stayed to watch the game.

At one point during the second period, her team was down 3-0.  There was a puck smacked straight up the centre of the ice at just the same time that the opposition teams defence had gone for a line change.  It was perfect….. quite literally a 3 on 0.  Just the goalie.  And this young lady, skating for all she was worth towards the net, had the puck on her stick.  She was 1 on 1 with the goalie.  I held my breath for her.

But she didn’t shoot.  She opted to pass the puck.  Sadly - 100% the wrong choice.  Her teammate wasn’t ready for a pass, and the puck shot straight by him, and all advantage was lost.  Goal scoring opportunity, gone.  They remained 3 down.

Overhearing parents questioning her confidence, my face turned red with anger. “She never shoots”. “It must be a confidence thing”. “What’s wrong with her?”

How could a girl, who was made to feel like she didn’t matter on her own team by her own coach, ever perform with confidence? Would you? From my vantage point, the disconnect was so obvious. I however, quickly realized I was alone in this “discovery”.

It left me wondering: How many girls go through this? How many adults fail to recognize this is wrong? How many see it but remain silent because it isn't happening to their child? What's happening?

To all youth sports coaches, remember this: Having diversity on your team isn't enough; it's called inclusion. We have a responsibility for the advancement of all our players. Some haven't had the same opportunities, support, or coaching. In cases like this - it is mandated that the girls are treated differently, so find ways make sure they still feel included on the actual team.  At bare minimum - know what change room to direct them to.  #FFS

Our job isn't just about winning games at any cost. It's about making better players, fostering a team culture, and ensuring that each player gets what they need to improve their skills and love for the sport they play.

I sadly think to myself - I wonder how long she’ll continue playing for? Such a shame, and an epic coach fail.